Rendezvous with Destiny

A long walk home...

2012-01-26T18:28:00.005+05:30

Folding the photograph in my hands I wipe the mist off my watch. It's 8 PM in Delhi now and I am sitting at a restaurant with the Ninja parked right beside me for company. The endless cups of tea have kept me awake for the past 24 hours. I like it here since the place is deserted except for a few passing trucks and dogs chasing their own tails. Soon the monotony is broken by a group of girls who seem to have found the same place habitable as I have. Their talks have made the peace nonexistent now. One of them doesn’t seem to be interested in what's going on and seems more interested in my direction.

She gets up walks towards my chair with such grace that could put felines to shame and sits on the chair opposite to me. Her jeans, or whatever that’s left of it, ends up right before her knee revealing beautifully formed legs. Despite the weather, she doesn’t bother to cover anything up. She starts talking as if she has known me for years. Her hair is tucked at one side but the cold breeze unravels it from time to time. And she constantly parts them to one side. I wonder what her motive is. One look at her friends sitting behind her clears out all the doubts in my mind as to what her intentions are. Her heels have already found their way over my shoes and she is smiling throughout. Her eyes are fixed on mine. They have the look of a tigress as she stalks down her prey.

I have had enough. So I calmly tell her that better women than her have tried and failed. I am not going to be tempted by her charms. She is not yet beaten and the smile still lingers over her face. I ask for the bill and pick up my bags. "Stop living in the 18^th century", she tells me. I tell her that I am not the type of man who would change morals depending upon the century I am in. As you wish, she tells me and a hand shake later she returns to her friends.

The bags and gear go over the Ninja. Thumbing the starter, I hear everything except the sound of the engine coming alive. Dead. Again. Like always. A call to Rahul and he drives down to arrange a pick up of the bike. He is well acquainted with Ninja's moods so he doesn’t ask any questions. Picking up my bags I start walking towards the nearest metro.

A SUV screeches to a halt in front of me and a hand beacons to me. The face sitting inside is familiar. It's her. They are going to Lucknow, she tells me with a wink and smile. The SUV is filled with giggles from her friends. It's getting dark and I am left with no other option but to accept her offer. I make myself comfortable at the back seat and pull back a bag behind my head to prepare for a long sleep to come. It doesn't take me long to join the dreamland.

A time that seemed like moments later, I wake up from the sound of doors opening. In the middle of nowhere this wild band of girls have decided to set up camp and have a bonfire. I prefer the comfort of the back seat and as reluctant as I am, I have to get up and help them set up their tents. She asks me if I would like to join them. Her offer spurs off a wide round of giggles from her friends. I decline the offer. I would prefer the back seat. Soon they have all eaten and talked and slept.

I dare not sleep. So the back wheel of the SUV becomes my bed. Luckily they have bought a stove so my tea is already brewing in the kettle. It's a full moon above. The type that makes some men loose and some philosophical. I look at their sleeping faces. Their innocent faces are a stark contrast to the wilderness we are in. I can’t leave them at this fate fearing what bestiality of the world may befall them. They think they have seen the world. But they haven’t. They haven't understood how bad the world can be. My past flows right before my eyes as if everything happened just yesterday. I remember the broken bones and stench of cold blood. And I remember the sound of bones cracking. Bones which belonged to my friend. The hate within only made snapping the hands and limbs of those who caused it even more easier. In that hell, I became a monster.......

A cold touch over my shoulders breaks the train of my thoughts. It's her. You haven’t slept still, she asks me. I dont know what to say and before I can reply her head has already found a place over my shoulders. She tells me about her life, without me asking for it. Her father runs a million dollar business and never comes home. Her mother parties all night and never comes home. She is the only child. She admits that she is spoilt. Is she, she asks? I reply in the affirmative. Throwing her head back she laughs and tells me that finally someone is brave enough to admit the fact. But this time her smile is different. It's innocent and pure. Her hair is loose now and plays across her face. Her eyes have lost that wild look and appear gentle now. Her cheeks are red with blush now. She looks beautiful........

She is now closer than any girl I have ever been with. I can feel her heart beat over mine. Her warm breaths touch mine. Her perfume is overpowering. And before I can back off I find her lips forced over mine.......

Not this time. I tear her away from me. She has done enough already. I tell her to leave me alone. She is down to tears and I hate myself for doing this. But she has to go. The next hour is spent waiting for her sobs to die down. Maybe what some one once said to me was right. That I am dead inside. It’s true. Because I can’t feel anything anymore. No face speaks to me. No face attracts me. They are just faces. They all look alike. All my desires are dead. What seemed lifeless then is lifeless now.

The silence indicates that she is asleep. I cant help myself so I move over to make sure that she is asleep. She is. Her eyes are still moist. She seems so fragile. I tuck her securely in her blanket and lay my jacket over her just to make sure. I can survive this cold.

The morning breaks and I wake up to find my jacket over me. I dont remember how or when I drifted off to sleep. But I am happy for this journey to finally end. She hasn’t spoken a word throughout. My mind on the other hand is at war. The time and place have finally arrived to part ways. So I bid them farewell. And I find myself face to face with her. The only parting words she spoke were, "She is very lucky to have a man like you".

I wait and watch them disappear over the horizon and pick up my bags. It’s going to be a long walk home....

Lost Without You- Part II

2011-12-09T01:42:00.015+05:30

In your light I learnt how to love. In your beauty, how to make poems. You live in my heart where no one sees you, but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art itself.

A dream wakes me up. I try to recall what it was. But I cant. Just the fleeting moment of you going away. Dreams have a way of fading into oblivion. The clock shows 5 but it's still dark outside. I try going back to sleep but slumber evades me. I don't want to look at the date. Don't want this day to ever come. Phone shows an unread message. Its from you. Something about some lost love. Ramblings of some disillusioned poet living in an even bigger illusion that he has understood love. I hope you understand what you are doing. Of all days. Coincidences. Why do they happen? I dont know why but I pick up Angel's keys and get up.

Karizma puts on a serious face. She doesn't want me to go. Yammy looks at me hoping to accompany me to the place this time too. But this time Angel needs to go. She needs to see the place where it all started. She needs to be told the same story.

I look at her and remember the last time we went to your city. For some unfathomable reason, I feel closer to you whenever I am with Angel. Like you have been with her. Touched her. She has your scent. Unbelievable as it may sound but it is the truth.

A foggy morning greets me outside. Unlike the last time there are no people around. The now deserted road is a familiar one. One which I have traveled before. Angel reminds me that she is hungry. So I stop at a petrol station to fill up. It's deserted as well. Too early for anyone to get up. I park Angel and look around. Like a somnambulist lost in this infinite vastness I search for signs of life. Why I am hoping to see you here? Hoping against chance, to meet you. Waiting for this coincidence to happen. Why am looking everywhere for signs of you?

A dog stretches himself out of his sleep and wags his tail looking at me. I see an old man setting up his tea stall so I buy some biscuits from him. And share them with my new found friend. We both have been hungry for long. The old man is trying to read the newspaper without his glasses. In vain. So I help him with the headlines. He is happy by Anna's crusade and offers me tea in that celebration. I accept his offer politely. He smiles and lets me know that he wishes his son would be more like me. I dont know what to say so I smile and accept the steaming hot cup.

Angel is flying but the destination still seems far off. I try to recall that dream again. But it's still vague. A veil of fog concealing its details. You still seem so far away. I remember the last time you smiled. And that memory itself makes me smile. For a fleeting moment life becomes beautiful. For a moment it makes sense. For a moment I forget the truth and live for the lie that I wish never comes true. For a moment you are mine and I am yours. And I am left wondering why the last time it didnt take so long to reach the place.

I try to piece together all the parts of this puzzle. How I came to this place. What circumstances lead me to it. It's an interwoven maze of events and coincidences. God rolling his dice. Dictating my every move. Making sure everything lead to you.

It's here. The bridge. That same old bridge. And the dhaba. They havent changed. Everything's the way I left the last time. But there are no boys fishing this time. There is no river now. The trickle that once was,is no more. I let the man know that I need some tea. He doesnt recognize me. Among this cruel busy world,who will? I look for the small boy who worked here. He is gone. Ran away to chase his dreams somewhere,the man tells me. I sit at the place I sat the last time. But this time there's no old man to tell me of his heroics. In his place an empty crooked chair reminds me of his stories. I pull back a chair and stretch my legs. And try to remember that dream again. I am weary from running away for so long that it doesnt take long to join you.

It's you isnt it? Standing among the fog. Engulfed by it. I move closer. But you are still vague. Like some undefinable mystery that can never be solved. You dont say a thing but take my hands into your own. That touch. I could sacrifice all my earthly possessions to feel that touch on my hands again. I look at you hoping that you will say something. But you dont. You just smile. But that's all I need. I have found my life in your smile. And would give anything to see it all the time......

A faint sound breaks my train of thoughts. I look around and see a small girl. She is looking at me. She seems familiar but I cant seem to remember why. She smiles and comes closer. She has a book in her hand. Without a moment's hesitation she sits besides me and shows me the book. The pictures she has drawn. Of her mother. Her father. Her self. The last page has a picture of boy standing in front of what looks like a temple. The familiarity of it leaves me speechless. I stare at the picture for a time that seems like eternity. This is all your doing isnt it? Like moth to a flame, YOU keep bringing me back to believe in you. To hope for something that can never be.

A voice brings me back. My tea is ready. I tell the man to get something for the girl too. She looks at me with those big round eyes and inches closer to me. She is shivering. So I wrap my jacket around her. I dont know what to say to her. So I tell her my story. How I came to this place? What brought me here? How I came to be what I am?

When I came to this place I was unsure of what I was but sure that I wouldn't fall for anyone. But you changed that. In that unforgettable moment I saw you for the first time I knew you were the one. Love was only a word for me. But you came and gave it a meaning. You were the only thing holding to me to this life my love.

And when I came to know that you could never be mine, life stopped making sense. A part of me died that day. I kept running away. Hoping to drown you away by keeping my engaged in other pursuits. But that never came to pass. I am still where you left me. Run as much as I may I am back where I was. As lost as ever....

The girl doesnt say a thing. And I remind myself the futility of telling this story to her. She points out at the glass of water on the table. I give it to her and something amazing happens. She dips a biscuit in that glass and starts eating. It's her. The girl I met last time. She hasnt forgotten. I ask her name. She looks at me but doesnt say a thing. The man picks up the girl in his arms and tells me that she cant speak since birth.

And for once, I know what her pain feels like. She and me have so much in common. Having so much to say but not being able to. It's her destiny and my choice. Somehow I don't want to stay at this place anymore. So I pay the man for the endless cups of tea I have drunk and tuck the girl securely under my jacket. She is reluctant to let go of my hands. But some goodbyes just have to happen. I hope she remembers me. And the time these two strangers spent. Of the story who she inadvertently became a part of.....

Angel is wet all over with dew. I wipe her face off. She has been crying all the time. I hug her and promise that we wont be doing something like this ever again. The journey back to civilization is filled with even more questions. I am going back with a feeling of loss much greater than what I had started with.

What have you done to me,my love? This unexplainable feeling of emptiness wont leave me. God knows how much I have tried to run away but I cant. Just cant. The further I try to run the closer he brings me to you. How can I forget you when you are always on my mind? How can I not want you when you are what I search for all the time?

Yes I love you. I love you more that I will ever find the words to say to you. I love you more than anything else in this world and there is nothing that I would like better than to hold on to you forever. But I know it's not for the best. So no matter how much my heart is going to break, I've got to let you go so you can know just how much I love you. Maybe if I'm lucky, you'll come back, but if not, I can make it through this.

It would be wrong on my part to miss you. Seeing as you were never mine. But I am going to miss you still. I am going to miss your smile even though you have never smiled for me.. I am going to miss your voice even though you havent spoken to me. But above all, I am going to miss the man I became because of you.

Misty eyed under the helmet am back home. Weary as ever, I lie back and try to re-enter that dream again. Hoping to meet you somewhere. But it's difficult now........

Forever and ever yours,
Ravi

From Rendezvous with Destiny

Understanding Engine oils

2011-04-22T13:55:00.004+05:30

If you are like me,who loves his bikes like anything and fiddles with them all the time to extract the maximum performance out of them then read on. I grew up around old bikes since I was 5. Lived with them. Experimented with them. So unlike your 'trusty' old mechanic,I know what I am talking about.
Engine oil plays a major role in delivering that ''grunt'' you want from your machines as well as ensuring the long term reliability of the components.I will try to make this as easy to understand as possible. No technical jargon. And none of my notorious euphemisms either.
Engine oils are classified under 3 categories.
1. Mineral
2. Semi Synthetic (SS)
3. Fully Synthetic (FS)
Their prices increase down the list as well. Fully Synthetic oils are the most expensive of the lot but they last 3 times as compared to Semi Synthetic oils and offer much better lubrication.
When you buy a bottle of engine oil, you will observe a figure similar ot XXWYY written on them. Where XX is some figure,usually 10,15 or 20. While YY is either 30,40 or 50. This figure is the Viscosity Index Rating of the oil. Simply speaking,VIR is the measure of the "flowiness" of the oil. Lower the value,the less viscous it is,the more it will flow. And vice versa.
Now consider for example an oil that has this figure as 15W50 and another oil as 20W40.
In 15W50 the 15 is the VIR(Viscosity Index Rating) at 0 degrees Celsius and 50 is the VIR at 100 degrees. Higher the viscosity the less the oil will flow. At 0 degrees the viscosity is 15(which is slightly less than 20W40) hence the oil will flow much better during cold starts. It will lubricate the engine components much better than the 20W40 oil. But at higher degrees(when the engine is at it's working temperatures) you need thicker oil as it will even out and do a much better job of cooling and cleaning the working parts. This is where the '50' comes in. That 50 is the VIR at 100 degree Celsius. It's a higher value than the 20W40 oil and will maintain it's viscosity better at 100 degrees because what you want is an oil that remains thick even at higher degrees.
So what essentially you are looking for is an oil that has XX that is a lower value than the manufacturer's recommended value and YY that has a bigger value than the standard value.
For bigger Pulsars,look no further than Motul 5100 SS 15W50. In FS go for Motul 300V.
Karizma works best on Gulf Pride 10W30 and Petronas Sprinta FS.
Apaches can take Motul 5100 as well. Petronas suits them better though. Plus the FS Petronas will be cheaper than FS Motul.
Yamaha Gladiator: Gulf Pride Plus 20W40, Motul 300V 10W40, Petronas Sprinta 5000.
Any further queries,feel free to contact me. Dont bloody copy paste this article anywhere without giving me credit else I will stalk you through the night and eat your heart.

Facade of normality

2011-04-15T00:57:00.176+05:30

“Just so you know, there's a space that only you can fill. Just so you know, I loved you then, I guess I always will.”

The bike is doing 120kmph,but I want it to go faster. Opened the throttle more. The world sped past even faster. I want it to go even faster. Till the sensation of speed overpowers every emotion. I just want this road to never end. I want to run away. Ride till I cant feel anything anymore.

But I cant. Just cant. Because you are with me all the time. Talking to me. Smiling at me. Your face haunts me. Even on this desolate vastness of tarmac you are still with me. And so I stop. It's all too familiar.

I park Angel at a place that seems to resemble a dhaba. She turns heads and even before I have removed my helmet, I am showered with questions about the bike. I let them admire it and sit at a chair far removed from the others. Ask the man to get me my favorites. Bread with glass full of tea. He looks at the bike and then at me. And asks me what film I am working on. I smile and tell him that I am taking a vacation.

The empty chair before me and the wilted flowers remind me of you. So I ask the man to take them away. He comes back and places the tea and bread before me and waits for further instructions. There were none. So I sent him away. A dog wags her tail looking at my bread. So I share it with her. She eats her share happily and decides to bring her small puppies to come and see me. They all look like they havent eaten for days. But they wag their tails with so much enthusiasm that I tear up and suddenly dont feel hungry anymore. I let them have all of my share. A little one didnt get anything and was constantly looking at his brothers and then at me for something. I picked him up and bought some bread for him as well. He would only eat out of my hands. Barking at me to let me know that another piece of bread should be ready for him. I smile at this new found friend and pat him on the back. As I said. It's all too familiar.

It's time to move on now. My new found friends accompany me to the bike yip-yapping all the time to let me know they will miss me. I pat the small one a last time and say goodbye to their mother.

Angel is hungry too so I stop at a petrol station to fill her up. She is happy with the 10 litres of petrol and growls like a tigress on the road. Soon we are there. Her city. The traffic reminds me that I shouldnt have bought a half superbike to this place. Something's gone wrong with Angel. She splutters and dies down. I have a mini heart attack. I park it along the road to see what's wrong. Everything seems to be fine. The spark plug,the ignition coil,the battery. All are working. Why then? I look around. It's a school where she has decided to stop. But there's something about that school. It's too familiar. I have heard of this before. And then it comes to me. It's her school. Angel knew all along. Either that or God decided to play one of his games with me again. Coincidences. I used to believe in them. Now I dont know what to believe in.

The walls are cracked at numerous places. Reminiscent of the times and weathers they have seen. I can imagine her growing up here. The now empty playground would once have been graced by her laughter while she would be playing with her friends. The broken windows of the classes where she would have given those tests that she hates a lot now. They all remind me of her.

A small girl who would one day make this fallen one fall in love in with her.

Some schoolboys spot the bike and I am faced with a volley of their questions. I tell them everything to quench their boyish fantasies. They love Angel's red color.A bright one spots the number and asks me what I was doing so far away from my city. I tell them. They dont understand. Nobody can. Better men than them have tried and failed. Tried to understand love. Better men than me.

Angel starts without any problem now. I move on and stop ahead. An old woman is selling flowers at a temple nearby. She looks like she cant barely walk. I buy a lotus for Angel and gift it to her. A tear runs down Angel's face. I kiss her gently on the cheeks and thank her for bringing me here. The old lady asks me if I was visiting the temple or not. I tell her that people like me ought never to visit any temple. She doesnt understand. I smile and pay for the flower and tell her to keep the change and pray for me. That would be enough for me. She hands me another flower. What for,I still dont know.

I open my bag to take my camera out only to find out that I have left it behind. Him and his games. I will never understand you God. And I will never understand you my love. I wander around for hours looking at people. Everyone seems to be in a hurry. Only I seem to be slow. And lost. I go over everything I have learned about life. Nothing makes sense now. How mad have we all become running around these worldly things. Most of us are dead already and more are dying inside everyday. I see a couple holding hands and crossing the road. They look like they are made for each other. I dont know what to do. So I turn back and decide it was time to head back home. How I wish that your hand would have held me back to stop me from going. But there was none. And that's the reality I have to live with everyday. It's killing me.

"I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. To tell you how I feel. Like how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart. And how I need you in my life. But those words may forever stay in my heart-locked inside.Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too... but I'll never know." And perhaps it's better that way. For you. And for me.

Because I have come to realize that I am not made for this. I am not made to love. Most of us are. Not me. Someone who knows me well once said to me that she would be sorry for the one whom I love. Why I asked. The answer came. Because I cared more about the truth that I would about her. Because I care more about everyone then I would care about her.

The irony is, it's true.

I dont know if I even love you or not. But I am afraid of losing you. I am afraid of talking to you. Afraid that I might say something that I shouldn't and you go away never to come back. Yet you are everywhere all the time. Every moment. Every breath. Talking to me. Smiling at me. You made me feel once again, how lonely I was.

You are the exact opposite of me. I dont know if this a mask you wear or if you are like that,but you are not like me. Why then do I burn whenever I see you with someone else? Why does my instinct tell me you arent made for me yet I cannot let go. For the love of God, I cant. Why do I think that you are lost and I need to save you?

Why cant I let you go? Why do I feel like nothing makes sense? Why do I feel like I am crying all the time? Only there are no tears. Why doesnt the world make sense? It used to. But not now. Why do people talk and I dont understand anything?

Why I am still living in the hope that you will be mine someday? I lost her. But I cant risk losing you. Yet here I am,watching you slip away, and all I can do is stand by and watch you go.........

Forever and ever yours,

Ravi

Photos of my Angel before the trip.

Lost without you

2010-11-27T14:05:00.004+05:30

I told you, only truth. For years, I sought only this day. Nothing else existed... until I saw you. Then everything changed. I fell in love with you. And to think I no longer believed I could.

Ever since, with every single breath that I have been forced to give ,I'm reminded that it's one more, without you, that I'm forced to live.

The alarm bell is ringing to tell me it's 5. Couldn't sleep a wink in the night. Time to worry about it later. Got up and and got ready. Something is amiss. I have to go.

It's still dark outside.I take the keys to my bike and pick up my helmet. Thumbing the starter makes my Yammy come to life. She seems to have caught a cold. She coughs a lot but soon settles down into a steady hum. She hates early morning rides as much as I do. But today we need to go.......

The air is filled with a thick mist. I clean the rear view mirrors only to realize it fogging up again. It's a tranquil sight. There are no cars about. No jams.No horns. An old man is walking with a stick,a jogger passing by,a man sorting newspapers and a dog rummaging through a bin. I wanted to get away from this place. Opened the throttle and forgot everything.Time seemed to have stopped and I didn't realize where I was till I stopped.

It was an old bridge over a river,or whatever was left of it. A small dhaba at the end. I parked Yammy here.The man was about to put the kettle on. There was noone else besides me. Except a small boy,conveniently named Chotu,with sleepy eyes cleaning the wooden tables. Asked the man to prepare a cup of tea. 10 mins. Ample time for me to sit besides the river.

It wasn't a river actually,not anymore.Only a thin stream. Some boys were fishing. If there were any fish left they did not know. But they didn't stop trying. I clicked some pics. The flash got their attention and soon they were teaching me how to fish. I left them to it.

A woman walked towards the river with a pot. Her saree had all the colors of the rainbow. Seeing me she blushed furiously and covered her face. I smiled and put the camera down. She was newly wed. I don't regret losing a good photograph. Soon her 'man' arrived and sits besides me. Asked me who I was and why was I here. I told him. His silence was deafening and led me to question the very nature of my pursuit.

Took a deep breath and remembered the first time I saw her. Life suddenly became beautiful. It had meaning. It had a purpose. Her very existence made me believe in God. Angels like her can only be created by God........

I am brought back to the present by a voice. My tea is ready. There are a few people there now. I sit besides an old man. The shopkeeper places my tea and biscuits with the usual ritual of a cigarette. I don't smoke so I offer it to the old man. He takes a puff and starts talking. He was in the army. Served under this officer I cant remember. He is now retired. His sons take all his pension money. He has to sleep outside. He sleeps in the pouring rains. He sleeps in the maddening cold. I don't know what to say. So I offer him my tea and ask for another cup.

Slumber overcomes me. I hear a voice. Her voice.... my heart seems to race whenever I hear her voice. The sweetest songs from the sweetest of instruments pale in comparison to her voice.

I see her. She is smiling.... Her smile stops my heartbeat. I could live my whole life just looking at her face. Her eyes......They look deep inside me. Like she knows me already. She feels so real. Like I can just reach out and touch her face. Dreams have a way of seeming so real.God I love her so much......

Another voice brings me back. The steaming cup has been placed before me. Blowing off the steam I take a gulp. It's still quite hot. The boys are returning to their homes. It's not been a good catch today. Maybe there weren't any fishes in the first place.They will have to go hungry today.My head feels much clear now. The old man asks me the same questions. I tell him. About the girl I fell in love with. Not knowing that she loved someone already. About how every year I will do a long ride to a secluded spot on the date I saw her for the first time. Away from civilization. Away from humanity.To think. To reflect.To question my existence. To find the answers to questions to I have been meaning to ask "Him".

The old man tells me about a temple nearby. He says that the Goddess of the temple grants the wishes of those who have a pure heart. I don't believe him. All temples in my India are supposed to grant wishes. I get up and salute the old man. Pay for the two cups of tea and buy some packets of biscuits for the boys. And intentionally forget to take the change back.

The boys wanted me to show their mother the pictures I took after they ate the biscuits. So I did. Her amazement at my camera's screen was huge. A very small girl was hiding under the corner of her saree. She didnt get any biscuits. So I bought a packet again and taught her how to eat biscuits dipped in water. She loved the taste of wet biscuits. She was like me.

It was time to leave. Bade farewell to the family. Promised that I would come back the next year.The girl smiled and her tiny hands waved me goodbye. In that moment I realized that this journey was worth something after all.

Got on my bike but couldn't bring myself to start it. Something was amiss. I had to go. Five minutes later I found myself at the temple. It was no different. There must have been thousands like this one. It didn't matter. I paid my respect and made a wish........

I didn't wish for you my love. Because though you mean everything to me, you are happy where you are. And with me you wont. I cant risk wishing for you in fear of it coming true. My happiness lies in yours. I realized this long ago. But I couldn't bring myself to face it. Do you remember the line you wrote? The one that said that you are not the type who flings herself in love every now and then. Inadvertently you described me. Because YOU are like ME. Free. Stubborn.Emotional.Caring.

Do not worry about me love. Because I am in better hands. Your God is my guide. He is my shield. Someone whom I never believed in before we met. I believe in him now. There are no coincidences love. Only the illusion of coincidences created by him.

Loving you was the best thing I could do with my life. And I will do so forever and ever and ever...........

Forever and ever yours,
Ravi

My Cowon J3 is here.......

2010-06-10T17:17:00.004+05:30

AMOLED Display with support for almost all the audio formats on earth. Tonnes of customizable EQs. And ballastic audio quality.

Am I the only one?

2010-03-29T23:14:00.005+05:30

4 years down the line my Gladiator isn't the bike which I once bought. It's every bit a Yamaha,no doubt about that.It corners like a *beep*. It feels *beep*ingly stable. The brake are *beep*-tastic.
But there's something wrong. And it's not the bike's fault. It's the people who made it. The Gladiator feels like it's put together by a bunch of bankers who have nothing else in mind but to make the most profits. Everything's made to last a definite time after which it goes kaput. How else would you explain the electrical malfunctions that happened within days of each other. Or how the chain went berserk after exactly 15k kms. How the engine's rusting while the fellow cheaplings Pulsar/Discover kept alongside it dont.
I dont understand the point of people who beat their chest about Yamaha's reliability. I especially hate the fanboys who buy Yamaha and after a year bang on about it's reliability and how it's the 'best bike with international features in the whole of human universe'.
I know.I did it too once. Fast forward 4 years and I think the people who made my bike were apes.
50kms from civilization once the bike conked off, the superior Yamaha genes went out the window and never came back. Trust me there's nothing more disappointing than buying a bike with a posh badge and it ends up being worse than the locally made produce.
What's Yamaha India doing? Skimming money from retards who buy the R15 just for it's psudeo superbike looks or the Fz for it's fat tyres? I guess it's the truth. They are making a lot more money now since my Gladiator's birth.
And why does everybody shut up whenever the point of Yamaha's reliability is taken up? It's an expensive bike and it has the right to conk off of course. Nobody minds paying 6k for a radiator but everybody start typing once the brake pads of a Bajaj or TVS are changed under warranty. Why?
Coming from a nation which is years ahead of ours doesn't mean they can get away with everything. But they are,simply because us all, love the glitter more than the spark.The technology maybe new but it's not something that we cant achieve. Automobile engineering,design and manufacturing are not a black art. Everything's been thoroughly researched and tested. Anybody who feels otherwise can feel free to disagree but that's not going to change facts. There are some serious quality issues in the manufactured units that are being shelled out and everyone seems to have turned a blind eye towards them.
There are two type of people who buy a Yamaha:half arsed dimwits who want 'international features' or serious enthusiasts with a fat bank account who know what they are getting into. And I dont fit in either category. You might come across some genuinely knowledgeable people who know what's what but that's a different and rare breed the likes of which can only be found on xbhp.
I do hope that my R15 is going to be good in the long run. I don't want to buy something that ends up being a mistake of a lifetime. But the 21bhp babe from Bajaj isnt going to be a........a.....Gladiator either!

IEM Earphones-The best advice you will ever get.

2010-01-20T03:40:00.014+05:30

Incase you are looking for a pair of earphones and you bother to research a bit and subsequently land up in the territory of IEMs ,here’s my advice to you, be afraid, be very afraid. One wrong move and you could end up with something that can change your perception of sound.

No wait………that didn’t go well. Shouldn’t have scared you all. All I am saying is, the market is flooded with IEMs. You may not have heard about them (since you obviously didn’t bother in the first place), but they are there. Hidden away in the pile of rubbish of I-balls,Ur-balls and the likes, are some gems.

Let’s start by looking at the graph here:

I DON’T UNDERSTAND ANY OF THAT....

And neither would you. Skipping the nerdy part then, what you must understand is, NEVER BUY CHEAP IEMs.

For the ones scratching their heads and wondering what are IEMs here’s the answer in dunce language.

In-Ear headphones that isolate ambient sound by sealing in the ear when fitted, also known as IEM's (In Ear Monitors) or ECH's (Ear Canal Headphones). In ear sound isolating earphones are worlds apart from the humble ear-bud headphones, such as the standard in ear earphones that get supplied with the iPod.

Ear-canal headphones actually seal within your ear using a flexible foam or rubber sleeve. This offers the advantage that ambient noise is effectively eliminated and you can enjoy crystal clear audio. This gives an 'in your head' sound that is particular to this type of headphone.

Although they may look similar, sound isolating ear canal headphones offer much better quality sound reproduction than the humble earbud headphone. A good pair of ear canal headphones gives a clarity to the sound that is astonishing when experienced for the first time. Ear canal headphones are the perfect upgrade from say, the standard issue iPod earphones.

Now that we know what IEMs are, we move to the places where you hear about these. Tech forums like Techenclave and Erodov are full of boffins who would be recommending you XYZ earphones just because they picked it up cheap from a mystic guru or a tomb or a tramp in China or Thailand or Brazil.

Major of all these recommendations are two Chinese Shops (trust me, it won’t be a ‘company’) called Soundmagic and HiFiman. And major of their IEMs sold here are PL-10 and PL-30. Former is around 500 bucks and the latter about 1k. Nice, you might be thinking, just under your budget. Whichever you choose, you would be wrong. The PL-30 is decent though, no doubt about it. You might be wondering, when you plug them in your ears for the first time of how bad they sound. But wait, these are dynamic IEMs. They break-in(just as you break in your car or a bike) and perform to their best capacity after 50-60 hours of usage.

The PL-10 on the other hand is shite.No doubt about it. It sounds rubbish it feels rubbish and it sounds rubbish. Seriously, this one is for someone who hasn’t heard ‘bass’ in his life. There’s so much bass in these earphones that there’s nothing else besides it.

So PL30 is the ideal choice then, you might be wondering. Well let me tell you, PL-30 is as better than PL-10 as bird flu is than swine flu.

AVOID THEM. Donate your kidney, loot a bank, sell your wife and kids but get a Sony EX-35LP. I am not being a fanboy here as I will prove later on. (Sony isn’t the only brand that I will recommend. There are some unknown brands too that you can take home and scare your friends with………I mean impress with.)

See, Sony or Sennheiser or Klipsch spend millions everyday researching new ways to make your hearing experience more comfortable and enjoyable. Sure they might be looting you with their high price tag but they have been in the game longer than anyone and they know what they are making.

SoundTragic and HomoMan spend about 2p. The remaining of your hard earned money they use to buy noodles or rice or whatever they eat in Brazil, footballs maybe.

In the immortal words of JC,”There’s no such thing as cheap and cheerful. It's cheap and nasty & expensive and cheerful."

Moving on to the second most useful advice in this article:ALWAYS TRUST THE AMERICANS IN THIS MATTER. See the Yanks are only good at recommending two things:GUNS and MUSIC. Since most of their lives are spent around .50cal and headbanging they know what fires and sounds good. If an American recommends you a earphone,buy it at that very spot before the sale's over. Sell him at an auction but buy the bloody thing. Moving on........

After months of deep and profound things in my head I have rounded up the best of the IEMs. And most of them wont blow a big hole in your pocket. But don’t expect them to cost 10p because none of them are that cheap.

IEM/Earbud
JVC Marshmallow (FX33, 34) Bassy, recessed mids and highs.

Creative EP630 Quite good actually,for the price they are at. Don’t last long though.

JVC Air Cushion These sound similar to the marshmallows, but with better detail and no recessed mids/highs.
Sennheiser CX300 Lovely midrange, and very strong bass (although uncontrolled) Highs are the weakness of this earphone.
Yuin pk3
Jays j-jays

Shure E2C Gods of audio come together to make this earphones. Get this if you can.
Sennheiser CX180 Street II

Open Headphone
Koss KSC75/35 (Clip-on) Very good value. Some bass bloat, good mids and sparkly highs.
Sennheiser px100
Koss Porta Pro

Closed Headphone
Sennheiser HD201/HD202
AKG K81DJ Bassy dj headphone. Better with some damping. Good for rap and Hip-Hop.

For people who are strictly on a budget under 1k and can shell no more, Sony MDR EX35LP are the most balanced pair in the market today.

So there you go.Pick one of these up and experience sound as it should be experienced. And dont be a prick when recommending these earphones to someone. Give some credit to this humble soul too.

Guess I should go back to my Klipsch S2.

A photograph to remember forever.

2009-12-19T00:23:00.005+05:30

4 June 1962. Navy chaplain Luis Padillo was walking around giving last rites to dying soldiers as sniper fire surrounded him. A wounded soldier pulled himself up by clinging to the priest’s cassock, as bullets chewed up the concrete around them. Hector Rondón Lovera, who had to lie flat to avoid getting shot, later said that he was unsure how he managed to take this picture. Norman Rockwell eeriely used this photograph as a template for his Southern Justice painting,

It was taken in Puerto Cabello Naval Base, Venezuela, the city of 80,000 beside the nation’s largest naval base 75 miles west of the capital Caracas . In June 1962, Puerto Cabello was the scene of one of the bitterest fighting in modern Venezuelan history, now known as the Porteñazo.. The bloody struggle between government forces and guerrilla rebels in the naval base who had the support of the residents of Puerto Cabello. Official casualty figures for the military were 47 dead, 89 wounded. But unofficial estimates put the toll, including civilians, at more than 300.

Driving/Riding in India.

2009-05-09T00:49:00.004+05:30

Driving in India

For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.

Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company. The hints are as follows: Do we drive on the left or right of the road?

The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction.

Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation; the other drivers are not in any better position. Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.

Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.

Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts),or just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar. Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.

Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.

Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion en route to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.

Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.

Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.

One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type. Least I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also. Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.

Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience for those with the mental make up of Genghis Khan. In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes.

Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously.

__________________________________________________________________
Dont worry about the world coming to an end tomorrow, its already the next day in Australia.

Source: An Email forward.

Lamborghini LP640 Roadster

2009-01-25T17:12:00.002+05:30

A Glaldiator meets THE Gladiator.

2008-12-12T15:34:00.026+05:30

This is not a I-hate-Yamaha post. And it's not a comparison either,because the two bikes about which I am writing,technically do not exist now.

What I am penning down is my experience with the best of two Indian bikes. If anyone disagrees with me,fine.Stick to your opinion and I will die with mine. I have lived my biking life around these two bikes and I know what I am writing about.

When I first rode the Bajaj Discover 125 DTS-i,the effect was profound.This was not a 125cc. She was faster than the CBZ. She seemed faster than the Fiero.That's what Bajaj made,a 150 cc disguised to look like a 125 ready to trounce every bike in a 0-60 dash.

And she remained with me for 4 years and became a part of my life. If you read my article "Discover Love" than you will know,that we both literally grew up together. And let me clarify the fact that the Discover wasn't a well thought decision. Dad just went and bought it with my on the scene approval. But that decision,in my opinion,was the best.

The Gladiator was launched 4 months after I got the Discover and was bought by my elder brother who was studying in JSS Noida. And this was on my recommendation. He wanted to buy the Apache(first one) all along. After that, I respected the Gladiator a lot. In fact, I had nothing but praises for it. It was a God among 125cc for me, until I rode it. All this time, while I had the Discover, I considered it inferior to the Gladiator(in some cases it was).

But recently, my Dad secretly sold(gave away) my Discover for obvious reasons (the crash).

And with her gone, I came face to face with the Gladiator. My brother sent it to Lucknow before he went to England.And let me tell you, the Gladiator has been the most trying bike I have ever ridden. I loved the way it looked. Loved the muscular tanks.Loved the graphics. Loved the big bike feel. Loved that when it moves it doesn't vibrate as the Discover did. I loved the way it handled.

God knows how much I want to like it but one thing or the other is always niggling. What most people don't know is that it's not the most practical bike of all. Put a rider and a pillion averaging 60-65 in weight and the bike will cry in doing 60kph even when you rev the balls off the engine. The headlights are so weak that it's suicidal going out at night.
Whereas the Discover,it could pull away with the same pillions just fine. Although it vibrated a lot after 60 it never broke a sweat crossing 80. The Gladiator feels like it will take forever. For some reason crossing 60 on the Gladiator feels special and on the Discover it felt normal. The Discover was that good with only four gears. And I know the jargon about taller gearing. Trust me,in real life the taller gearing went out of the window and never came back.

And it was quite a tagline when Yamaha proclaimed the Gladiator sporty and racier and the magazines praised it for it's on track capabilities.For the love of God,the Yammy cant pull away from the Discover. I know. Because I have tried. On an open twisty road and in traffic. Me and my friends. Just to check we swapped bikes several times. Switched riders several times. Even brought another Gladiator to make sure. Sure everyone agreed that the Gladiator felt slightly confident in the corners but the Discover just trounced it every time. Everyone agreed that despite that flaw,the Discover was much more fun to ride. I guess this will bust some myths before the people who are always proclaiming "it all depends on the rider" after they hear that a 'puny' commuter bike beat the Yamaha Gladiator.

But then I realized I was doing it all wrong.The Gladiator was slow as long as I rode it like the Discover. This bike wasn't made to be ridden fast and be economical. It's just the former. Yamaha made the bike and said:"Oh no,this was made for India.We messed it up.".And then launched it.

Into first,rev the balls off the engine and never shift up until it's mad enough,and then you will realize how fast it is.It's maddeningly quick,properly fast. No other bike,even in the 150cc,except for the Unicorn,feels as planted at 80 as the Gladiator does.

I hope Yamaha learns something from Bajaj. If you are making a bike for a particular segment, make it excellent in that,the rest of the bits are secondary.The Gladiator doesn't feels like it belongs to the 125cc segment. It doesn't do what 125cc are made to do(in India) provide good mileage and practicality.

It remains a Jack of all trades but a master of none and THAT is it's biggest flaw. That's why it failed to sell. If Yamaha were to sell the Gladiator even with 12bhp in the 150cc segment it would all make sense and I wouldn't be ranting about it.

While,the Discover.....it does everything brilliantly. Sure it's not the best looking or the most sporty. Sure it's not come from a company as well endowed as Yamaha but it still manages to come first.........and then some...........

After four years of seeing these two bikes grow up with me,I guess the Discover was a better choice in the long run.Considering what it was capable of,it was the best choice for everyday runs to the school/college and the city.

The Gladiator will never sound as good, not thrill half as much. But that doesn't mean I will swap the Gladiator for anything else. It's because the Gladiator feels like it can pound on and on and on............the Discover didn't feel like that........the Gladiator feels like.........a Gladiator who refuses the give up......that's the reason.

Above 60,the Gladiator is as good as the Discover below it.

As much as I love my Discover,I cant go back to the her now,because I have now grown accustomed to the comfort and the excellent disc brake of the Gladiator and the way it handles. And people say that the Gladiator suits me well. And the way the Gladiator munches up miles without relenting.And the way it feels round corners like it's pushing boundaries.

And I wouldnt blame you for buying a Gladiator over a Discover.

Me however.........I would buy both............

I lost my Discover but I wont loose this one because it keeps reminding me of how these two are connected. It's the old story again.......the CBZ and the Fiero..........the two outcast Gladiators who once fought.........but none of them lost. And for that reason the Gladiator will be in my garage forever.

Pics courtesy:BSmotoring and Yamaha

On Attraction..............

2008-08-01T23:27:00.001+05:30

"No one will buy an ugly sofa, no matter how comfortable or cheap it might be. And while women harbour the Austenesque notion that men find kindness, a good heart and a sense of humour important when looking for a spouse, the fact is that what we really want is figure like the Alps, legs like the Silk Road and a face like Kiera Knightley's.

I like a painting. But I will not buy one, no matter how deft the brushwork, or how well the artist captures the natural light, if the subject matter is James May's scrotum. Because I would not find that attractive.

And look at animals. If I told you the Dobsonfly - the ugliest creature ever to walk the earth - was in danger of extinction, you'd be glad. If, on the other hand, I showed you a picture of some cute little tiger cub that was about to be chopped up by a Chinaman who wanted its bones to make his penis bigger, you'd be on the first plane to Beijing, full of hate and righteous indignation.

No one gave much of a damn when the hideous dodo went West. But when Al Gore says baby polar bears are all drowning (they're not, by the way), half the bloody world puts its patio heaters on eBay.

-Jeremy Clarkson.(Top Gear)

The best hindi song ever: Ye Dil Tere Bin-Yaad (Sonu Nigam)

2008-07-07T17:50:00.000+05:30

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Discover Love

2008-04-13T20:35:00.002+05:30

No,this isn't about me,falling in love with a girl.
But I can assure you, its a romantic tale nonetheless. And a true one at that. This is the story of my first love..........my DISCOVER 125 DTSI.
As I sit back,pen in hand,to write this,the memories rekindle,as fresh as ever,as if all of this happened just days ago........all I have to do.......is give way to my memories and these words spill out spontaneously.

I am 16.Dad has finally decided that apart from his usual convoy of four wheelers the house needs a bike.Thinking as all fathers do,he finally decides on the CT100.Why? Because of the mileage.
I decided to accompany him,hoping as all boys do, that I would return with a Pulsar.The bike that made my dreams................every stud had one.......I wanted to be a stud too........

As the salesman greeted Dad,I took my leave to drool over the Pulsar 180.While he was explaining the details of the CT100 to dad he looked across at me.And what he saw..............was a 16 year old boy.......with his nose stuck to the glass glancing hopelessly, in admiration at the 180.

I dont know what made him stop speaking,but he took me by the hand and gently dragged me and made me stand face to face with the Discover.............in black.......my favorite color.
And while dad was being briefed about the advantages of DTSi and exhuastec,all newly incorporated in the Discover.........I was having a intimate moment with her.
There she was.............her head bowed...........not at all aggressive like her bigger sibling.Calm and composed...........kinda like me.........a lot like me................I was in love.................

Days passed.I am 17.Have learned a lot from her.I knew I was underage and I knew the consequences of the feel for adrenaline rush but I still managed to restrain myself.I never took her beyond sixty-seventy and never rode without a helmet.
I needed to prove I was mature............
Life moved on and so did I.One day,I got challenged to a drag race.I didn't like drags. Partly because I hate losing and mostly because it was my first drag.
And from what I had heard,those guys were veterans. A CBZ Classic,Fiero F2,and the BAJAJ PULSAR V1 (non DTSi) were what my love was against.
I wasn't scared..............worried perhaps..........wasn't mine,a 125cc....................
I did the best I could. Got her tuned,tightened her body myself,changed the engine oil and what not...............
When the day arrived,I arrived at the rendezvous point,a bit overdressed,with a racing helmet(borrowed) and a tight jacket. And was immediately branded as a novice.The other veterans dragged without helmets. It was a manly thing.
And while the girls tended to their boyfriends,I was doing some last minute checks on her..........
I don't remember much about the race,save that it was insanely fast and the adrenaline rush was something that I had never felt before.
I don't know what finally won the race,my skills or her sheer grunt or the incompetency of the others,or the combination of the above all or maybe they weren't veterans at all.But I WON and that made me even more proud of her.
I still believe,very strongly,that she wanted me to win more than I wanted her to win. She wouldn't have seen me loose.Didn't you,my love.....................
It's been three years since she came here and she hasn't ever set a foot wrong.Never failed me ever.I have forgotten the number of times I have come across people who have told me how well I had maintained her.Why shouldnt I? I love her more than myself..........
Years of maintenance has given her a voice that is unmatched even by other Discovers,even the 135. Pulsar 150 owners start to worry when they hear her going by.
At low revs she sounds like a cross between a P180 and a jet fighter.She sounds completely bestial at high speeds. And I love it,she becomes mad whenever I do. Arent we made for each other...........
As my memories related to her come closer to the present,I cant help but smile.We made such a team. People around me wonder why I am such deeply attached to what actually is just bits of metal joined together. But I know that people wouldn't understand. They wouldn't understand why a biker loves his bike.
How else would you describe this love between a man and a machine.Only bikers can fathom these feelings and it is for them that I wrote this tale.And I know this is your tale too,if you are a biker.

As words fail me,and penning down my thoughts become more difficult,I can see her,for she is standing right before me.............looking at me....................as if urging me to move on................for there are many races,still unwon................many miles,still uncovered..................many places,still unseen.................and many dreams,still unfulfilled...........................

He Fell Among Thieves

2008-04-06T19:39:00.001+05:30

“Ye have robbed,” said he, “ye have slaughtered and made an end,
Take your ill-got plunder, and bury the dead:
What will ye more of your guest and sometime friend?”
“Blood for our blood,” they said.

He laughed: “If one may settle the score for five,
I am ready; but let the reckoning stand till day:
I have loved the sunlight as dearly as any alive.”
“You shall die at dawn,” said they.

He flung his empty revolver down the slope,
He climbed alone to the Eastward edge of the trees;
All night long in a dream untroubled of hope
He brooded, clasping his knees.

He did not hear the monotonous roar that fills
The ravine where the Yassin river sullenly flows;
He did not see the starlight on the Laspur hills,
Or the far Afghan snows.

He saw the April noon on his books aglow,
The wistaria trailing in at the window wide;
He heard his father’s voice from the terrace below
Calling him down to ride.

He saw the gray little church across the park,
The mounds that hid the loved and honoured dead;
The Norman arch, the chancel softly dark,
The brasses black and red.

He saw the School Close, sunny and green,
The runner beside him, the stand by the parapet wall,
The distant tape, and the crowd roaring between,
His own name over all.

He saw the dark wainscot and timbered roof,
The long tables, and the faces merry and keen;
The College Eight and their trainer dining aloof,
The Dons on the dais serene.

He watched the liner’s stem ploughing the foam,
He felt the trembling speed and the thrash of liners screw;
He heard the passengers’ voices talking of home,
He saw the flag she flew.

And now it was dawn.
He rose strong on his feet,
And strode to his ruined camp below the wood;
He drank the breath of the morning cool and sweet:

His murderers round him stood.
Light on the Laspur hills was broadening fast,
The blood-red snow-peaks chilled to dazzling white:
He turned, and saw the golden circle at last,
Cut by the Eastern height.

“O glorious Life, Who dwellest in earth and sun,
I have lived, I praise and adore Thee.”
A sword swept.
Over the pass the voices one by one
Faded, and the hills slept.......................

Confessions of a someone good(read LOSER)

2008-02-02T00:05:00.003+05:30

Since this would be my first post,I think it would be a good idea if I confess certain facts before the people who read it.For future's sake it would help them to understand why I demean myself every time I write something.You will find me and my thoughts a bit different from those of the other young bloods. But then, nobody ever said that the path to good was easy. And you will see in the future, that I am a bit different.Definitely macho in some fields but kind of weird and dumb in others.So here they are.I confess:

that I have never smoked a cigarette
that I have never drank alcohol.
that I used to love picking a fight with everyone who disagreed with me,but I have never hurt anyone who was incapable of defending himself.
that I, like everyone else, have a crush on some beautiful damsel every day. But I think that love and crush are different. Sometimes what seems to be love is just a crush that you are not completely out of.
that my cruising speed on a bike is about 80kmph.
that I lust over the Honda Fireblade,and Yamaha R1 and the Mercedes SLR,and the Lamborghini Reventon,and the Aston Martin DBS,and the .....................
that I just don't understand why girls seem to fall for the most lowly,most indecent guy in the college.One flowery line from a movie and they melt into his hands like butter.They are blind to what his actual intentions are.And when he eventually shows his true color they come crying to me. I tell them, their choice was wrong. I tell them to move on,but they seem to cling to the hope that everything can be solved and that he will come back to them.Damn them,and damn their own folly for falling for such a b******d.
that I can be as bad as I like.But over the years people have come to expect great things from me. I try hard to live upto their expectations. I hope that I haven't let anyone down.Sorry to disappoint you,girls,but keep hoping that I get sick of being good.(or am I?)
that unlike others,I respect girls as long as they have morals and decency.
that when my principal asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up,I replied : "Batman". And she couldn't stop laughing for the next ten minutes.
that I thought ........that all I need in life was a bike and an open stretch of road.That's all. I was wrong. I forgot........ how lonely it was to be me...............
that me and my bike are just fine.
that I am not quite good at lying.
that I used to laugh at lovelorn people,thinking that I was too good (or too bad) to be capable of ever falling in love. I was wrong..................
that I swear I am trying to forget her completely.
that I can never forget,or forgive............
that I was the one who almost "accidentally" blew the chemistry lab out of existence.Well, it was just an experiment gone wrong.(Honest!)
that the first time I fell from my bike at 80,time seemed to slow down to a halt.I even remember the number plate of the car that caused the crash.I saw it as I fell off.
that I miss my school very much. All my ideals,my principles and what I am right now is what it made me.I keep reminding myself to visit CMS one last time.But never could.
that rescuing small animals from some distress isnt my idea of impressing girls.It's just that I have felt pain and despair both in the mind and to the heart,and I cant see anyone suffering the same fate.
that I fear that I don't have any emotions left.
that the two sweetest notes that I have ever heard in my life..... are produced from my bike and the violin.
that there is something in that sweet,sad and mournful tone of a violin that I relate myself with. As soon as I find someone who can teach me,I am buying a violin.
that the next person who scratches my bike's paint is going home on a stretcher.
that it is not that I do not love God,it is that I do not fear him.

Every morning I wake up.......and realize.......that nothing has changed.......every thing is the way I left it..........I am alive..........so is everyone else.........someone............ somewhere in the bewilderness of the night did die............unfortunately it wasn't me..........and so the story goes on..........I have grown to fall in love with pain............my love with a human,notwithstanding.................
GOD came to me............ one day............He wanted me to convert this land into a heaven...............turn it into something beautiful..............I obliged.........but realised later ............... that this world was replete with hurdles.............why?............ of all the people,he chose ME............even later I realised..........I had only bare hands to do the job ..............This is me.....................GOD`S OWN SON.................